


Graphite Scrawls

by Remyroo17



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, G!p Lexa, Trans Lexa, intersex lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remyroo17/pseuds/Remyroo17
Summary: Clarke writes a diary of sorts after Praimfaya because she can't quite let go of Lexa. But that's okay, she'll have a reminder of her soon enough.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 21
Kudos: 154





	1. PROLOGUE

~~|||| |||| ||||~~ ||

Day 17 after Praimfaya.

I’ve been feeling really nauseous at random times. Even thrown up once or twice. Not great when I have to keep down all the food I can get. Probably the radiation or my diet. I’ve taken to eating bugs. The odd worm. I need any protein I can find.

61 days since your death. I miss you more than I can comprehend. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe we could have been alive here together, getting by in this nuclear wasteland together.

I think of you every day. No matter what, my thoughts come back to you and our time spent together. Even though I’ll never see you again, the thought of you is the only thing getting me through this hellish landscape.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~

Day 52 A.P.

My stomach has started to bloat, probably from malnutrition. At this point I don’t even know where to look for anything edible. 

The water that separated the mainland from Becca’s island has just, like, gone. I think I’ll have to traverse what’s now a desert if I want a chance at survival.

96 days since you died. I’m scared I’m going to forget the sound of your voice. I miss you. I love you.

~~ |||| ~~

Day 58 A.P.

Lexa, you should see this place. It’s like an oasis. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and it will have been a dream.

It’s a huge valley, it’s gotta be like ten miles across, full of trees and greenery and running water! And there’s berries and plants and fruits and birds and fish.

It’s like it was just deep enough to be washed over by the death wave.

There’s a little village here, I found a sign saying it used to be called Shenandoah. The Louwada clan used to inhabit it.

But that’s not all. I found another survivor! She’s only young, she can’t be any older than six, but she’s a little fighter. Lured me into a bear trap after I spotted her.

My stomach still feels super weird. I thought malnutrition bloating would be higher up, but it’s really low on my abdomen. My pants don’t really fit around me right any more.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ||

Day 85 A.P.

So I’ve basically adopted this kid.

Her name is Madi. We’ve been helping each other hunt, catch fish, pick berries. It’s nice. Nice to have someone else around.

She reminds me of you. Brown hair, green eyes. She must be a born Natblida, too, to have survived Praimfaya.

In other news, my body does  _ not _ feel right. My stomach/lower abdomen I guess, is still swollen and bloated. I’m starting to feel like there’s movement inside me, too. I could be imagining it, but… I don’t think I am. I’m scared I’ve got some kind of parasite living inside me.

~

_ Lexa sat down on the bed, looking up at Clarke like she couldn’t believe they were actually doing this. _

_ Clarke leaned down and kissed her again, climbing onto her lap and straddling the brunette. She felt Lexa’s arms wrap around her waist and hold her closer as they kissed languidly. Clarke wanted to savour every moment. When morning came, she didn’t know when they might next be able to do this. _

_ Lexa broke the kiss, turning her lips to Clarke’s neck and leaving kisses, teeth grazing her throat once or twice. _

_ Clarke’s hands fell to Lexa’s shirt and she began pulling it off of her, exposing her bare chest. Clarke pushed Lexa back to lay on the bed and leaned down, taking a nipple into her mouth and flicking it with her tongue. _

_ “Clarke, fuck-” Lexa sighed, closing her eyes and tangling a hand in the other woman’s blonde locks. _

_ After paying the same attention to Lexa’s other nipple, Clarke sat back up and undressed her own top half, then brought her hands to the button of Lexa’s pants. _

_ The brunette reached out and placed her hands over Clarke’s, stopping her. _

_ “Wait…” _

_ Clarke seemed to visibly deflate with disappointment. _

_ “You don’t want this?” she asked. _

_ “No, Clarke, I do. I want this, you have no idea, it’s just…” _

_ Clarke tilted her head. “It’s just what?” _

_ Lexa swallowed thickly. _

_ “I’m not like other girls.” she said quietly. “I was… I was born and raised as a boy.” she admitted, looking everywhere except at Clarke. _

_ “When I was eleven winters old, and started growing breasts, my mother knew she couldn’t cast me out. I was already a Novitiate, in line for a Conclave. My face started to feminise, as did the shape of my body. So I went from Lex to Lexa. I was a target of abuse from the other Novitiates once I started to grow my hair, as well as some members of the Council. Anya was the only one who accepted me, coached me to fight harder, better.” _

_ Clarke caressed Lexa’s cheek. _

_ “Hey,” she said. “Look at me.” _

_ Lexa obliged. _

_ “You’re beautiful. And you’re perfect. And I want you, Lexa. I don’t mind what you have.” _

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~

Day 100 A.P. and Lexa, I’m a fucking idiot.

Tomorrow will be 145 days since your death - or rather, since the day we slept together. I got thinking about it. And you know what I realised?

I haven’t had a period since. I think I might have brushed it off as living through a nuclear apocalypse, maybe I just didn’t have a functioning uterus any more.

But then suddenly, all the nausea and exhaustion and swelling and bloating and  _ movement _ made sense.

Tomorrow will be 145 days since you got me pregnant, Lexa.

I’m terrified. I’m pregnant in a nuclear fucking wasteland with a six-year-old for company.

How is Madi going to help me give birth??

How are the two of us supposed to raise a BABY?!!

I don’t want to do this if you can’t be here and do this with me, Lexa. I need you. I need your love and guidance. 

I don’t wanna do this without you but at the same time… I don’t want to lose this baby. I’ve been missing you so much, and now this baby feels like a real connection to you. 

I know that I will never forget you now like I was scared of, because I will always have this child - if it goes well, that is.

I love you.

I miss you.

I’m going to have your baby.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~

Day 115 A.P

I’ve started  _ lactating _ , so like, thanks for that. It’s weird. Madi thinks it’s hilarious because I keep having to clean my shirt or I start smelling like cheese.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ||

Day 162 A.P. 

206 days after you got me pregnant.

I’m like, really pregnant. I can feel the baby moving and kicking. My back hurts, my ankles are swollen, and I keep getting cramps.

I’m having to rely on Madi to find food because I just don’t have the stamina. I feel so bad because I know I need to eat more than I might normally.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ |||

Day 220 A.P.

I’ve been pregnant for about 260 days now. I’ve done the math, I should be having the baby in like, two weeks.

I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while. My hormones are all over the place and I couldn’t bring myself to write to you. I missed you too much. I love you too much. I’m finding it difficult to think about you because it hurts that you can’t be here to experience this with me.

Madi is doing great. Every trip she comes back with a little more food or a bigger fish than the last time. She’s excited for the baby. I asked her if she wants to be it’s big sister. She said yes. So I guess I really do have two kids now.

~~||||~~ ~~||||~~ |

Day 231 A.P.

Lexa.

We have a daughter.

I’ve called her Eve. It seems stupid, I know, but this place is like a garden of Eden, like the bible stories my dad used to tell me. I don’t even know if you knew about the Bible. But Eve just seems right.

She has little wisps of your dark hair, and your green eyes. She’s beautiful, just like you.

God, I cannot wait for my mom to find out and meet her first grandchild.

My mom! A grandmother!

The look on her face when she finds out you’re like, the father, is gonna be incredible.

Anyway, I’m kind of running out of paper, so I’m only going to write now with Eve’s milestones.

I love you so much. Our daughter is going to know all about you.


	2. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a lot of responses asking me to continue this, so while I try and find more inspiration for future chapters of my Bellamione D&D story, I figured eh, why the hell not.
> 
> Initially this was about 300 words longer because I wrote Clarke explaining everything that had happened after Lexa died... and then I remembered y'all had most likely... y'know. Seen the show. So I took that out.
> 
> Enjoy.

‘ _ Eve is six months old now,’  _ Clarke wrote. ‘ _ I’ve started her on solids, just a little bit on top of the milk, but so far she prefers blue berries to red ones (which is fine because me and Madi like the red ones more!) and she does not like fish. She’s started to sit up on her own a little more often’ _

She stopped when Madi placed a hand on her shoulder and caused her to look up.

“What’s up, kiddo?” she asked, frowning as Madi looked off in the distance towards the tree line as they sat outside on a sunny morning.

“Mom, there’s something out there.” she whispered. “Something in the trees.”

Clarke followed her gaze and, sure enough, she could see movement in the distance.

“Take Eve and get in the hole.” She ordered. “Don’t come out until I come and get you.”

Madi did as she was told, carefully scooping up the sleeping baby and maneuvering into the cubby.

Clarke grabbed her handgun and raised it toward the disturbance in the tree line.

She crept slowly towards it and, when she was no more than twenty feet away, a person stumbled blindly out of the trees.

A woman, with dark hair. It was ratty, flecked with leaves from stumbling through the forest.

The woman dropped to her knees in the clearing, and Clarke began to lower her gun in shock.

“Lexa?” She gasped out, the name barely getting past her throat before she felt tears well up in her eyes.

She raced forward and dropped to her knees in front of Lexa, dropping her gun as she went and cradling her face in her hands, drawing the green eyes in front of her to look at her.

“Lexa? Oh my god, Lexa?”

Green eyes stared into blue and, slowly, they seemed to focus stronger on Clarke, recognition seemed to dawn in them, and they widened.

“Clarke?” she asked softly.

Clarke grinned, as wide as when she had first held Eve in her arms. “Lexa.”

“Clarke… Where am I? Where’s your hair?” she reached up, feeling the edges of Clarke’s blonde locks.

Clarke laughed a little.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked softly.

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought deeply. “I remember… You. You and me, in bed. And then… and then I went to sleep. And when I woke up you weren’t in bed with me. So I got up and got dressed and came to find you and then… Fuck, Titus fucking shot me. That’s the last thing I remember.”

Clarke felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“Then I just… I just woke up here, in the woods. And I just started walking. Just trying to… I don’t know, trying to find someone.”

Clarke stroked Lexa’s cheek. “And you found  _ me _ .”

Lexa looked around again, her hands holding onto Clarke’s arms. “Clarke, where are we?”

Clarke sighed. “There’s so much you don’t know, are you ready to take it all in?”

Lexa looked back at her and nodded slowly.

The blonde stood up and helped Lexa to her feet. “Let’s get you some water and food and then I’ll tell you everything.

She settled Lexa into one of the other cabins, then went and retrieved some water, berries and cooked fish for her. She told Madi it was safe to come out of the hole, but made her promise to stay in their hut until Clarke said. She gave both girls a loving kiss on the head and then went back to Lexa.

“Here you go, eat something.” she said, handing over the food and drink.

Lexa grabbed it and started to eat it greedily, chugging the water like she hadn’t eaten or drank for days.

Clarke just watched with a small smile on her face, but was also running through every possibility in her mind as to just  _ how _ Lexa was here, how she was still alive.

Lexa sat back in the chair, hands on her stomach and a satisfied smile on her face. “Okay, hit me, I’m ready.” she said, her gaze falling back to Clarke.

The blonde shrugged. “You died, Lexa.”

The smile fell from the brunette’s face.

“I what?”

“You died. Titus didn’t just shoot you, he  _ killed _ you. I held your hand as you passed. I watched as he cut the Flame from your neck. I was there when we put you on the Pyre and burned your body.”

Lexa just stared at her. 

Clarke relayed all the information to Lexa that she had. Everything that had happened - except for Eve. She’d save her till last.

“Everything outside of here… Everything else is a wasteland. A desert. Except here. Here, it’s the Garden of Eden. Shallow Valley, the only place anything grows, because the death wave just washed right over the top of it.”

“Eden.” Lexa said. “Like the Bible?”

Clarke nodded with a smile. “Exactly.”

“How’d you survive?”

“My mom tried to recreate Nightblood in Becca’s lab. Nightblood was all Becca, she invented it to transform the blood and allow the human body to survive radiation. I was… a test subject for it. And it worked.”

Lexa shook her head in shock. “This is…”

“Insane? Yeah. I don’t… I don’t understand how you’re here. How you’re alive.”

The brunette shrugged. “Me either. But I am. I’m here. And something brought me back to you.”

Clarke got up from her seat and moved to stand in front of Lexa. She reached out and placed two fingers to the other woman’s throat, feeling for her pulse.

Lexa looked up at her, holding eye contact as Clarke waited.

“Your pulse is normal.” she finally whispered. “Your pupils are normal. You’re… perfect. As usual.”

Lexa smiled and brought Clarke’s hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss to the palm. 

“So do I pass? Am I allowed to stay here with you? With Madi? When can I meet this kid, anyway? She sounds amazing.”

Clarke nodded. “She is. We can go meet her now, if you like.”

Lexa nodded eagerly and stood. “I’d love that, but there’s something I need to do first.”

Clarke tilted her head curiously, the perfect angle for Lexa to lean in and plant a firm kiss on her lips. Her hands cradled Lexa’s face once more, and she felt happy tears roll freely down her cheeks as Lexa’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer.

“Clarke, you’re crying, what’s wrong?” Lexa asked as she pulled back and rested their foreheads together.

Clarke laughed through her tears. “I never thought I’d see you again. Never, not in a million years. And you’re here. And you’re real. And I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

Lexa gently brushed Clarke’s tears from her cheeks, and they shared a few more kisses for a moment until Clarke sighed happily.

She led Lexa back outside into the sunshine, and they made their way to the cabin Clarke had come to call home.

“Wait here.” she instructed, and headed inside, leaving Lexa standing awkwardly outside, picking leaves from her hair.

“Hey, Madi?” Clarke said as she entered.

“Yeah, mom?” the seven-year-old replied.

“I don’t really know how to explain this, but… You remember me telling you about Lexa? About how she’s Eve’s other mom?” she asked quietly. Madi nodded. “She’s… here.”

“I thought she died?”

“Yeah, so did I,” she said, crouching in front of her adoptive daughter. “But… something or someone has decided to bring her back to me. To us. Would you like to meet her?”

Madi hesitated, thinking, and then nodded.

“Okay, I need you to get her to face away from the cabin though, okay? I wanna surprise her with Eve.”

Madi nodded and smiled a little. 

“Okay, she’s outside, off you go.”

Clarke watched as Madi ran out and excitedly greeted Lexa, making sure to go just past her so Lexa would have her back to Clarke. She smiled as she let them have a few moments together, then gathered Eve up onto her hip, the little one having been playing with some sticks on the cabin floor. She gurgled happily at the return of her mother.

“There’s someone super special for you to meet, Eve.” Clarke said, opening the door and stepping out.

She walked the few feet to Lexa and Madi, catching Madi’s eye and the mischievous glint in it.

“And you can come hunting with me and we could maybe catch bigger things for dinner now that there’s four of us to feed!” Madi grinned, and Clarke could see the twitch of Lexa’s ears as she frowned in confusion.

“Four…?”

Madi nodded, and pointed behind Lexa.

The brunette turned, and Clarke’s chest swelled in anticipation as her green eyes fell on the bundle of joy on her hip.

“You… You never said you found a baby.” she said, dumbstruck that a baby could survive a nuclear apocalypse.

“I didn’t find her.” Clarke said softly, watching as Lexa examined the child’s face. She could see that Lexa was noting similarities. “She’s only six months old. Still mostly breastfeeding.” she explained.

Lexa’s eyes slowly moved from the child’s to Clarke’s. 

“Breastfeeding?” 

Clarke nodded.

“From… from you?”

She nodded again.

“She’s… she’s your child?”

Lexa looked momentarily devastated, and Clarke hastened to clarify.

“She’s  _ ours _ , Lexa. She’s  _ yours _ .”

Lexa physically softened, and her gaze fell back to the baby, who was smiling and reaching out a curious hand at her.

She let the child take hold of one of her fingers, and her eyes welled up with tears when she squeezed it as hard as she could and giggled.

“See? She has your eyes, and your hair. And my nose and mouth.”

Lexa could only nod.

“And she’s so good, too. She’s not a big crier unless she’s hungry or poopy, she doesn’t cry for no reason like my mom used to tell me I did when I was a baby. She pretty much sleeps through the night now... She’s an angel. Best thing that’s ever happened to me. As well as you and Madi, of course.”

She let her other hand drift to her side and settle on the back of Madi’s shoulders, holding her close, too.

Lexa finally spoke once more.

“I have a daughter.”

Clarke nodded. 

“You have a daughter. Her name is Eve. Would you like to hold her?”

The brunette nodded dumbly, and Clarke shifted and passed Eve over. 

Eve immediately reached for Lexa and cuddled into her side, playing with her long brown hair as Lexa stared at her lovingly.

“Clarke, am I still dead?” she asked, with a smile on her face as she looked at her daughter. “Is this heaven? Because last I remember I literally died and now here I am, with you, and with kids, in this beautiful place, and it all just seems too good to be true.”

Clarke shook her head. “No, you’re really here.”

Lexa ran her fingers through Eve’s fine wisps of dark hair, smoothing it down only for it to stick back up again.

She finally looked back up at Clarke, and grinned at her.

Clarke grinned back, and reached out to tuck some strands of hair behind the other woman’s ear, then cupped her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss.

Eve giggled some more as she looked up at them, caught between the two, and Clarke and Lexa laughed against each other’s lips at the sound of Madi’s “Ewwww!”


End file.
